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"I want someone I can pray with - not someone I have to pray for." One of the definitions of single is a separate unit, complete in itself. Think of yourself that way. As being complete within yourself. Relish the time you have as a single person! This is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself and what your heart's desire truly is. If you have a healthy insight into which you are, you don't need to find someone to complete you. You can then find someone to compliment you. This is where the saying about the sum of two parts being greater than the parts themselves comes from. As a single person you have much more private time to spend in getting to know yourself and in getting to know God. You also have more time to cultivate your relationships with your friends and family. To meet more people by getting involved in doing work within your community and or church. This is how you develop a well rounded you. This is all part of a well balanced life.
Discover your heart's desires and nurture them. Become a mature adult, with mature adult values and attitudes. The kind of love that lasts a lifetime is for mature adults. Kids only want the good stuff. They don't want to have to work or sacrifice or put another's needs ahead of their wants and desires. Kids pout, yell, scream, cry, manipulate, connive, lie, beguile, whine, cheat, scheme and use every trick in the book - and then some - to get their way. Does that sound like the kind of relationship you want to be in for a lifetime? Is that what you do when you don't get your own way? Have you been with someone who does these things when they don't get their way? Not much fun.
Learning to be a mature adult is not easy. It's not always fun. But it is very rewarding! Love is like that. Love is hard work, sacrifice, sharing, caring and trusting. A friend of mine once told me that you can choose to live in faith, or you can choose to live in fear. If you live your life in faith, you have no need to use childish behaviors. Your attitude toward love is directly related to your attitude toward God. God is love. If you don't know and love God, you can't possibly know love. Either how to give it or how to receive it. You just want to feel good...at that time. Most people who have been in bad relationships start to build walls around their hearts so as not to get hurt again. First of all - these walls don't keep other people out - they keep you in. Kind of like a prison. These obviously were not genuinely love relationships. You see, the Devil tries to trick you every chance he gets. He giggles his tushy off every time you get hurt or hurt somebody else. Goes back to - get to know God. Once you know God and he is in your heart, you will know love. "If you hold to my teaching...you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31,32
There is a scientific, biological difference in men's brains and woman's brains. They are wired very differently. Men's brains are much more linear and logical; woman's brains are more synaptic and intuitive. One of the best descriptions was told to me by a male friend of mine. He said that a man goes from A to B to C to D. A woman goes from A to D. Now, this is not to say either one is better than the other is - it is just to illustrate the difference. Women have a better capacity to look at the big picture - down the road - in the long term - that is the intuitive side. Men have a better capacity to see the details of the here and now - that is the logical side. Women are more relational, want to talk things out, emote more. Men are more practical, they want to get in there and fix things. They don't need to talk about them - just fix it. In relationships women are much more personal, whereas men are more conquest oriented. Here are some very important key truths in understanding the differences.
Men need appreciation, acceptance & trust. Men need to be appreciated for all the little things they do. A healthy sense of being appreciated for being a good provider, for keeping the car running, for all the man things they do. In Isaiah 54:5 God reveals himself as "husband." He is the role model for men to follow as the head of the marriage - as God is the head of the church. God is the protector and provider of and for the church - so should man be the protector and provider of and for the family. In the bible (1 Peter 3:7) there is a reference to the wife as the "weaker vessel." This refers to the physical difference; hence the husband is there to protect them from harm. For this men deserve abundant, heartfelt appreciation. Men also need to be accepted as is. They don't need someone trying to fix them, or change them, or make them into something they are not. How many times have you heard a female say "but he has so much potential." Wrong. Acceptance as is. Potential without desire is worthless. What you see is what you get. If you don't like what you see - look elsewhere. Everyone has his or her quirks. Think if this (character trait) is something you could live with or not. If not - leave the guy alone. He is probably happy as he is - otherwise he would change himself. How would you like it if he were always trying to change you? No one likes forced change. We are talking basic character issues here, not things like which way the toilet paper hangs. Think of it as a part of their individual charm. Men also need to be trusted. They have to know you trust them. Especially with simple things. For instance, when driving, before you open your mouth that "this is the exit" first see if they are going to turn there. If so - great - it all worked out without your help. If not - at least wait until they have a chance to prove their decision. Men need to be given the benefit of the doubt - that is what I mean by trust. Trust them to make the right choice, do the right thing, and go the right way. All of these are character traits. If it is their basic nature to do the right thing, then in their own charming way, trust it to happen. It may not be the way a woman would do it - but if the end result is good, that's what matters. As far as trust goes, this is something that has to be earned, and is crucial. If trust has been broken habitually, obviously there is a problem. Goes back to getting to know who you are dealing with. With a trustworthy man, if he does not feel he is trusted - why be there? As well as if you cannot trust your man - why are you there? To refer to my above example of how men's and women's brains work differently, after my friend gave me the example of how men need to go from A to B, etc. My first remark was "OK, so women have to learn to keep their mouth shut and just hand the man the wrench when he figures out he needs it." I was being a tad facetious - but there is a great deal of truth in that.
Women need to be cared about, understood & respected. Women, on the other hand, have different needs. Women need to have a secure sense of being cared about. This is different than being cared for. To be cared about means there is someone out there who genuinely cares about her well being, who cares how she feels and how she is doing. Someone, who actually cares about her emotional needs, wants and desires. She needs to know someone she can depend on is there for her - to protect her, to guide her, to offer strong, compassionate arms to fall into when needed. This goes hand in hand with the man being the protector. Women also need to be understood. This is where things can get a bit tricky. Sometimes women just to need to vent talk things out - they don't want the man to fix anything - they just want to be heard. This is where the man needs to put down what he is doing, give his full attention to the woman, and simply nod his head and tell her he understands. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to "dwell with them (wives) with understanding, giving honor..." She may not want to go over all the possible solutions, work through the details, go from A to B to C to D - she wants to be heard. Not that men will ever totally understand women - but there has to be an honest effort in dwelling with them. This is the first step to understanding. This is the part where it is a wise man, who stops what he is doing, gives her his full attention and simply says, "I understand." Women also have a God given right to be respected, honored. Men need to be kind and gentle with women, as stated in 1 Peter 3. Although talking about husbands and wives, these things start in the dating process. Men, honor her as your very best friend. Listen to her and spend time with her. Cherish her and make her feel extremely important. Women deserve respect and honor - as with trust, this is something earned. The man should respect woman and treat her as a highly valued and respected person. As with the man deserving appreciation, the woman deserves respect - and both come with responsibilities to be worthy of the deserving therein. If man has no respect or honor for woman - he shouldn't be there. Same as if the woman is getting no respect or honor from the man - why would she be there? In mature healthy relationships these are keys to develop within yourself to become a person who is ready to take on a life long relationship, and be able to make better choices as to what kind of person you end up with. Be someone worthy of respect, worthy of appreciation, and worthy of honor and trust.
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