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ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS DURING COURTSHIP
Living intimately with another human being is the greatest challenge in the world, therefore we must go through a careful pre-marital check-list, spend enough time dating to make sure that we share a common treasure, common blue print, common strength and values. Because two believers
are right with God does not mean they are right for each other.
1. You must be able to respect each other spiritually.
2. Respecting the other person on the sheer merit of his/her basic character. What respectable characters traits do you see in your potential spouse?
a) Do you respect his/her maturity level?
b) Do you respect
his/her decision making ability?
c) Do you respect his/her priorities in life, is it God's or self-centred?
3. You have to respect the person's degree of self discipline?
4. You have to respect the person's commitment to his/her vocation?
5. Is the person consistent?
6. Is the person loyal?
7. How does he/she relate to family, authority and friends?
8. Do you truly admire him/her?
9. Does he/she have integrity and character?
10. If you were not courting, can you still be friends?
Someone told me how he had had two relationships and was about to
break the third. He did not like it and was wondering what was happening and
was upset. So I told him he had no reason to be upset and that God sees his sincerity and what he was trying to do. God would lead him into the right relationship. I also felt led to ask him why he broke the second relationship, what type of woman she was. He answered that she was his best friend. Immediately, he said that, I
knew that the woman was his potential wife. If you can call a man/woman your best friend, that person is your potential marriage partner, unless God tells you otherwise. Marriage is about friendship. If the person can be your best friend, that means there is a degree of understanding and compatibility. Friendship is what keeps a marriage.
On further investigation, I found out they had a good relationship, she would encourage him etc. So I asked why they broke up. He said that she wanted to get married and he was not ready. I told him that was a flimsy reason for breaking up the relationship and that counseling both
parties would resolve the issue. Then I asked what their relationship was like after the break-up. He said it was still good and in fact, they were still best friends. So I advised him to go and revive the relationship.
Can you say your partner is your best friend? That is all marriage is all about. There is an intimacy, understanding spiritually, emotionally etc.
Time for courtship is the time to discuss your history, your
aspirations. Time to find out how much you really have in common, to learn the other person's values and what it is to share life with somebody else. Dishonesty is enemy No. 1. It is a danger signal. Ask the tough questions before it is too late. Does he/she tell white lies, exaggerate, make
subtle distortions, or do you sometimes sense that you have not heard the whole story? There is no room in a godly character for dishonesty. There should be no tolerance for the slightest form of deceit in a potential marriage patner. Can you imagine having to go through life wondering
how much was really in the account or who your mate really had dinner with, or where your mate was really going?
A recently engaged man explained why he loved his fiancee so much. He said she has a free spirit, unpredictable, spontaneous, careless, she is one surprise after the next. It's fun just to be around her. Several months later, when he called off their wedding he said she drove him crazy,
she was undisciplined, careless, irresponsible, ran the car out of gas, bounced checks, went out on unplanned shopping. And to think I almost married her, what would have happened?
We sometimes have a tendency to block out reality because of the excitement of being in love. The only way to avoid this is to ruthlessly analyze your future spouse. Take time because "he that finds a wife,finds a good thing...". Take time to make sure you have a good thing.
11. How responsible is he/she vocationally, does he change jobs too often?
12. Relationally, is he/she dependable, loyal? Has your friendship stood the test of time?
13. Does he/she save for the future?
14. Does he/she pay bills on time?
15. Physically does he/she pay attention to his/her health, keep the body in shape?
16. Domestically, does he/she maintain possessions reasonably well,
can she cook? Is he/she adequately organized?
17. Legally, does he/she cut legal corners, thinks that laws are made to be broken?
18. Do you respect his/her character enough to be able to like with him/her for the rest of your life.
NOTE: Disappointments that can be tolerated nicely during a weekly dating may become intolerable when faced on a daily basis. No question is too petty to ask, no concern too insignificant to raise.
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