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Laugh it off!
 minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION
boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.
Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.
"Hey" asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle."
The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across."
The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.
"Wow!" exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"
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young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied...."Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!"
| Bible Confusion |
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 he little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children's Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young.
Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a few sweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honored King James Version, to her only grandchild.
Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions, both about the family members whose births and deaths were recorded therein, and about various aspects of the Scriptures themselves.
Her grandmother was endeavoring to answer all the child's questions in terms she could understand, but the one that stopped her cold was this sincere inquiry:
"Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? Was it the Virgin Mary, or the King James virgin?"
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WATER TO GIN!
A Nun was stopped at customs checkpoint and the officer examined her luggage.
And what's in the bottle, Sister?
Oh! Holy water, she replied.
Suspious, the officer opened the bottle and sniffed it.
Holy water?? This is gin! Saints be praised; it's a miracle cried the Nun.
ANIMAL RELIGION.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was being pursued by a huge bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear proved abortive. He dropped his guns and took to his heels. The hunter ran as fast as he could until he ended up at the edge of a very stiff cliff. His hopes were dim seeing no way out of his predicament and with the Bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms and exclaimed "Dear God, give this bear some religion".
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the sky. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop and glanced around somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the Bear looked up into the sky and said "Thank you Lord for the food am about to eat."
WINGS OF AN EAGLE.
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Close your eyes
dream a dream of land beyond the senses of me
dare you can and risk being tagged a "mad man"
Oh! you dread being so tagged?
then keep your wings in the realms of the sparrow
where the beast crowded, flock above hte trees
for there you find the normal beings
bother not top look beyond for the beyond "above the trees"
deep into the blue sky
lies the eagles; the cloud of "mad men"
men who by the strength of their dreams
called the things that were not as though they were
Down the ages, not a single being in the flock of sparrows
yet altered the course of mankind
but every soul in the realm of the eagles
Bread a mind from where rivers of transformation
Floating ideas immeasurable spring forth
For the sparrow build castlea in the air
But it takes an eagle to give foundation to it.
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nstead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.